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El Presidente Vigorously Prepares for Real Debate

By James -
 Aloha Kakistanis, we have much tales to tell. And not much time to do the tellings in, for El Presidente needs his rest. He is busy man.  Put not stock in the rumorings of failure at the presidential debate against alleged candidate and convicted felon Orange Man. No failure took place. Indeed no debate took place, because Orange Man is not a legitimate candidate for office. But if such debate did take place, then El Presidente did fine. If El Presidente did not do fine, is of no problem, because El Presidente has the best team advising him at all times. Except on the subject of getting a good night's rest before the debate. Four more years. Ignore the actuarial tables. UPDATINGS: We here at The Blog in the High Castle have learned of a most insidious plot by the senile El Presidente to keep Shadow Vice Presidentessa Harris down, in her place, in the kitchen. We fervently denounce this awful right-wing anti-feminist plot. How dare the president not be truthful with the Kakist...
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El Presidente Defeats Insidious Chinese Plot

By James -
 Of all knowings Chinese spycraft, magnificent and cunning El Presidente foiled a most insidious of plot. We can now inform viewers at home that the ChiComs had infiltrated the highest levels of the Trump "Administration," and that by defeatings Trump in the 2020 Free And Fair Election, El Presidente completely swept the ChiCom affiliates from power.  In celebrity, El Presidente ordered the release of 200 white balloons to fly over the country. A minor factory mishap resulted in a single 200-foot balloon flying instead. The responsible party has been shot. El Presidente's Ice Cream Flavor of the Week is vanilla . Enjoy your  vanilla  ice Cream, Comrade, or we will find you.
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Co Vice Shadow Presidentessa Identifies Real Culprit and Traitor

By James -
 While her strange animatronic double tried valiantly to hold in a fart at the State of the Union Address, Co-Vice-Shadow-Presidentessa Harris was hard at work explaining the Russian Burly Bear (no homo)'s invasion of Ukraine to children. Is important workingses, wrongfully slandered by ENEMIES OF THE PEOPLE as her talking down to the average proletarian. We wish to assure you that the Co-Vice-Shadow-Presidentessa does hard work on behalf of the Union of Soviet Socialist States. For example, she has rooted out the saboteur who has undone so much of El Presidente's valiant good work on behalf of the Kakistani peoples. That saboteur's name is Comrade Shobydin, a derelict old codger with a penchant for sniffing women and girls, who has been wrong about every major foreign policy initiative in the last 50 years. Any similarities between this foul cretin and El Presidente is strictly coincidental. The Co-Vice-Shadow-Presidentessa would like to remind you all about the significan...
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El Presidente Proudly Presents Cold War Two: War Colder

By James -
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 Today El Presidente announced the advent of his one-of-a-kind revolutionary "three dimensional audio-visual experience," Cold War Two: War Colder .  El Presidente's artistic genius is knowing no bounds: "Cold War" did not make sense last time around, but will this time, because - thanks to Strange Autistic Swedish Teenage Mascot Greta Thunderberg - everyone will be very cold from lack of gas and oil. Politburo Member Emeritus John Kerry reinforced this view by asking that the Russian Burly Bear (no homo) " stay on track with respect to what we need to do for the climate " as he rampages across Ukraine the breakaway Soviet Socialist Republic of the Ukraine. This is all of part of plan. El Presidente made sure to reverse the Orange Man's decisions on energy, canceling Keystone XL and allowing Nord Stream 2 to proceed. This would ensure that Russia would doing the polluting, and as everyone knows, pollution does not count when it is a non-Western cou...
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El Presidente Promises Piece In Our Times

By James -
 Is major happenings across the Glob, Kakistanis! The People's Republic of China (with which Hunter Biden has never been affiliated) is about to invade Taiwan establish a Greater East Asian Co-Prosperity Sphere. In Europe, the Soviet Union Russian Federation Soviet Union (with which Hunter Biden has never been affiliated) is about to annex "the" Ukraine. El Presidente is demonstrated his firm commitment to restoring America's standing. He is doing this by standing for two hours. Well, of having press conference for two hours. In which he did not promise Vladir Putin (who has no kompromat on Hunter Biden) that the Russian Burly Bear (no homo) could do a "minor incursion" without consequences. After two hours of standing, Minister of Mental Hygiene Rachel Maddow led the assembled politburo in over thirty minutes of thunderous applause for El Presidente and his unmatched feet. Is of clear that El Presidente is strong and ready for whatever challengings approa...
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We Made Christmas Possible. You Are Welcome.

By James -
 Is of times again to celebrating the Great God Santa. (We think we have spelled that right, but we may have misplaced the N.) W hereas previously there has been much consternation and constipation in the supply chain CAUSED BY SABOTEUR-HOLDOVER'S FROM THE ORANGE MAN those problems have now been sorted and everyone is having Christmas Roast for dinner. So everyone is giving three mandatory cheers to Comrade Secretary Mayor Pete Butterjudge, who has solved our supply problems once and for all . We will continue to rooting out the sabotatrici from the Orange Man. El Presidente's Ice Cream Flavor of the Week is WHATEVER YOU CAN FIND ON YOUR SHELVES WHICH ARE OF COURSE TOTALLY FULL. Enjoy two refreshing scoops of WHATEVER YOU CAN FIND ON YOUR SHELVES WHICH ARE OF COURSE TOTALLY FULL ice cream today, comrades!
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El President'es climate conference notes published

By James -
 El Presidente is a super meticulous thinker whose lightspeed thoughts often outpace his ability to get them out, which is why he is saying things like "dog faced pony soldier" and “We cannot let this, we’ve never allowed any crisis from the Civil War straight through to the pandemic of 17, all the way around, 16, we have never, never let our democracy sakes second fiddle, way they, we can both have a democracy and ... correct the public health.” Today El Presidente's handwritten notes were released to the public to demonstrate his keening intellect. They are reprinted verbatim as follows>
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