El Presidente Proudly Presents Cold War Two: War Colder

By James -

 Today El Presidente announced the advent of his one-of-a-kind revolutionary "three dimensional audio-visual experience," Cold War Two: War Colder. 

El Presidente's artistic genius is knowing no bounds: "Cold War" did not make sense last time around, but will this time, because - thanks to Strange Autistic Swedish Teenage Mascot Greta Thunderberg - everyone will be very cold from lack of gas and oil. Politburo Member Emeritus John Kerry reinforced this view by asking that the Russian Burly Bear (no homo) "stay on track with respect to what we need to do for the climate" as he rampages across Ukraine the breakaway Soviet Socialist Republic of the Ukraine.

This is all of part of plan. El Presidente made sure to reverse the Orange Man's decisions on energy, canceling Keystone XL and allowing Nord Stream 2 to proceed. This would ensure that Russia would doing the polluting, and as everyone knows, pollution does not count when it is a non-Western country doing it (seeing also: China). 

El Presidente went on to state the most important thing Ukrainians could of doing is get vaccinated against the Virus Of Unknown And Unknowable Origin. And on the domestic front, El Presidente's advisors are considering drafting the unvaccinated after have thrown them out of the military for being of unvaccinated status. 

Finally El Presidente is sent Co-Vice-Shadow-Presidentessa Harris to "negotiate" with the Russian Burly Bear (no homo). Early reports indicate that these "negotiations" were exhausting, sweat-filled, and, quote "hard on the throat" (our translation may not be perfect).

El Presidente's Ice Cream Flavor Of The Month is BUTTERNUT PECAN. Make sure to enjoy a cold serving of BUTTERNUT PECAN during today's mandatory brown-out, comrades!

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