Trumpenfuhrer Solves Confederate Statue Controversy

By James -
Nefarious statues of Robert E. Lee (D-VA), Jefferson Davis (D-MS), Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson (D-VA), and many other Confederate luminaries foul traitors have been blamed found responsible for a rash of recent instances of white supremacy racial strife. Noting that he is Fuhrer of all Americans, not just the enlightened masses that elected him, the Trumpenfuhrer has agreed that all Confederate statues must come down.

"Obviously, we cannot allow our citizens to suffer under the foul animus radiating from these hateful inanimate stacks of marble," said Reichminister of Public Information Sarah Huckabee (not that) Sanders. "At the same time, we cannot allow these public spaces to remain empty. I am pleased to announce, therefore, that the Trumpenfuhrer has signed off on the reanimation of famous Nazi architect Albert Speer to spearhead-"

At this point in the press conference, Reichminister Huckabee (not that) Sanders was tasered and removed from the podium for that incredibly awful pun. And then, in an act of surprising and awe-inspiring magnanimousness, MAGAnimousness, and magnificence, the Trumpenfuhrer Himself took to the podium.

"Yes, we're going to have statues," the Trumpenfuhrer said. "Magnificent statues of the most important American. Who is, obviously, me."


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