The Blog in the High Castle

The Trumpenfuhrer's top doctors today announced an initiative to perform what they refer to as a "China-ectomy." This is in response to the outbreak of Chinese Flu that the globalists at the World "Health" Organization insist came from a wet market and not from the nearby bioweapons lab. (To demonstrate their commitment to this thesis, the globalists at the World "Health" organization have allowed said wet market to reopen.) The Trumpenfuhrer took to the podium today to decry China's continued existence, and therefore announced that in conjunction with declarations by the governments of Italy, Japan, and the puppet "government" of Britain (we would have invited Germany, but they're run by an icky globalist woman), the following alterations to diplomacy with China were being made: all Chinese consulates immediately to be closed and converted into Trumpenfuhrer Museums of American Greatness (the other, lesser countries would of cou...

After observing the manufactured social media phenomenon that is spastic muppet mascot Greta Thunderball, the Trumpenfuhrer has decided that he needs a spastic muppet mascot of his own. "Everyone knows her father runs her Twitter," the Trumpenfuhrer said, referring to the fact that a Facebook bug has revealed that Thunderball's father runs her Facebook account (look, the Trumpenfuhrer was going to nationalize both Facebook and Twitter and merge them, but he had terrorists to turn into chunky salsa and kind of forgot about it). "So I want one of those. But for Making America Great Again, not for global warming, which is a terrible hoax." Unfortunately, an early prototype version of this spastic muppet mascot broke loose from the lab and appears to be running for "President" under the name "Joe Biden." Patriots are advised to be on the lookout for this bizarre character.

Dear Reichminister of Public Works [Insert Name Here]: I'm sorry I left the salutation blank, but the Trumpenfuhrer seems to go through you guys like Bill Clinton went through bimbos, and I didn't want to be shot for addressing a just-recently-declared traitor. Anyway, I am a 31-year-old construction worker who was proud to have built the Great Southern Wall using the bones of the Trumpenfuhrer's vanquished enemies. I'm wondering when we'll build another one on the northern border - I need the work, the Trumpenfuhrer hasn't run out of enemies, and everyone knows those damn tree-tappers are up to something. Dear Peon Who Clearly Doesn't Own the November 2019 Edition of Who's Who In The Trumpenreich: I, your supreme Trumpenfuhrer, have been forwarded this letter. I have enclosed with my reply a copy of the November 2019 Edition of Who's Who In The Trumpenreich. Since the penalty for not being up-to-date on the current Reichministers is death, I had t...

It was a problem vexing the Trumpenreich's top minds for months. As the Trumpenfuhrer Himself put it, "Our flag is so perfect, with fifty stars. So we can't add new states. But we have to expand our territory, because we need breathing room and they're not sending their best." A stopgap measure was found last year, when the Insurrectionist Wasteland of California was stripped of "state" status, and its statehood given to Greenland instead. The Trumpenfuhrer personally approved this move, stating that Greenland "is much safer, much cleaner, much greater." But obviously this method could not continue indefinitely, and so earlier this year the Trumpenfuhrer announced two retroactive Expansion Spheres. Mexico and Canada form the first, and are now fully absorbed into the Trumpenreich. Afghanistan, Iran, and Iraq were the second, and though unenlightened souls continue to resist, their client status is all but assured. Today Reichminister of P...

(as a reminder, these are dispatches from the alternate-universe hellscape where Trump is the dictator you all think he is) Once upon a time, the United States had pussy presidents who would ring in the new year by pardoning obviously guilty turkeys or giving speeches. That dark age has ended. We are now, of course, the Greater Trumpenproletariat, and our glorious Trumpenfuhrer is no pussy president. As loyal servants of the Trumpenreich know, the arch-traitors of the Democratic Party have been spearheading attacks on Our Democracy for years now. We are pleased to report that earlier this year, the Trumpenfuhrer had several of these prominent Democrats terminated via drone strike, while they were waiting for their Uber at Washington-Dulles Airport. Surviving Democrat Alexandria Occasional-Cortex issued a statement from her bed at St. Albert's Hospital for the Criminally Insane, accusing the Trumpenfuhrer of committing "war crimes." Representatives of the Trumpenfuhr...