Trumpenfuhrer Announces Third Expansion Sphere
It was a problem vexing the Trumpenreich's top minds for months. As the Trumpenfuhrer Himself put it, "Our flag is so perfect, with fifty stars. So we can't add new states. But we have to expand our territory, because we need breathing room and they're not sending their best."
A stopgap measure was found last year, when the Insurrectionist Wasteland of California was stripped of "state" status, and its statehood given to Greenland instead. The Trumpenfuhrer personally approved this move, stating that Greenland "is much safer, much cleaner, much greater."
But obviously this method could not continue indefinitely, and so earlier this year the Trumpenfuhrer announced two retroactive Expansion Spheres. Mexico and Canada form the first, and are now fully absorbed into the Trumpenreich. Afghanistan, Iran, and Iraq were the second, and though unenlightened souls continue to resist, their client status is all but assured.
Today Reichminister of Public Enlightenment Grisham announced on the Trumpenfuhrer's behalf the long-awaited* Third Expansion Sphere. "It's really simple logic," she said. "The Trumpenreich is the only nation on Earth with a Space Force. We therefore claim the moon as ours from this day until the end of recorded time."
*Since the victorious conclusion of the War on Science, time has lost all meaning. We are telling you it's long-awaited, and therefore it is.
The Trumpenfuhrer himself added on Twitter: "The moon is a sphere. Therefore it only made sense to have a proper Expansion Sphere for once."
A stopgap measure was found last year, when the Insurrectionist Wasteland of California was stripped of "state" status, and its statehood given to Greenland instead. The Trumpenfuhrer personally approved this move, stating that Greenland "is much safer, much cleaner, much greater."
But obviously this method could not continue indefinitely, and so earlier this year the Trumpenfuhrer announced two retroactive Expansion Spheres. Mexico and Canada form the first, and are now fully absorbed into the Trumpenreich. Afghanistan, Iran, and Iraq were the second, and though unenlightened souls continue to resist, their client status is all but assured.
Today Reichminister of Public Enlightenment Grisham announced on the Trumpenfuhrer's behalf the long-awaited* Third Expansion Sphere. "It's really simple logic," she said. "The Trumpenreich is the only nation on Earth with a Space Force. We therefore claim the moon as ours from this day until the end of recorded time."
*Since the victorious conclusion of the War on Science, time has lost all meaning. We are telling you it's long-awaited, and therefore it is.
The Trumpenfuhrer himself added on Twitter: "The moon is a sphere. Therefore it only made sense to have a proper Expansion Sphere for once."
Comments
Post a Comment