El Presidente Has Restored America's Standing

By James -
El Presidente reminds 
the Russians of a great
leader of theirs

El Presidente continuing his first foreign trip, to visit vassal states in other parts of the English-speaking world, and to demonstrate to the Russian Burly Bear (no homo) that El Presidente is capable of walking under his own power. It was by all accounts a rousing success, because we have rounded up the journalists who said it wasn't a rounding success and had them disappeared. El Presidente furthered several diplomatic objectives such as excusing China, excusing Iran, and continuing to pretend that Canada is a real country. Vassalos everywhere were very impressed by El Presidente's ability to form complete sentences and demonstrate a mild awareness of his surroundings, and the Russian Burly Bear (no homo) complimented El Presidente on his ability to maintain eye contact.

It has come to our attention that horrible rumor-mongers and muckrakers are pretending that Co-Vice-Shadow Presidentessa Harris has badly flubbed a foreign trip of her own. This is simply not true. Co-Vice-Shadow Presidentessa Harris never had any problems in Guatemala. In fact, Co-Vice-Shadow Presidentessa Harris never even went to Guatemala. In fact, Guatemala does not exist.

Among the many foreign accomplishings of El Presidente are that we will now be sending Americans who speak ill of the Russian Burly Bear (no homo not that there's anything wrong with that) to prisons in Russia. Although it is possible that either Co-Vice-Shadow Presidentessa Harris or Comrade Princess General Doctor Jill may have something to say about that. 

I have received some last-minute clarification from the Ministry de Informazione. Guatemala does exist, and Co-Vice-Shadow Presidentessa Harris visited Guatemala. It was however a deliberate action on her part to screw up as much as she possibly could, just in case El Presidente had a bad trip so he could look good by comparison. We appreciate the effort by Co-Vice-Shadow Presidentessa Harris, because we all know how hard is beings for the Co-Vice-Shadow Presidentessa to make mistake or come off as shallow and unprepared. However her sacrifice was unnecessary because, again, everything was went fine on El Presidente's trip.

picted: El Presidente's trip NOT FOR PUBLICATION

El Presidente's Ice Cream Flavor of the Week is VODKA. Enjoy a refreshing scoop of VODKA ice cream today, comrades, because Putin is our friend again.

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