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El Presidente Vigorously Prepares for Real Debate

By James -
 Aloha Kakistanis, we have much tales to tell. And not much time to do the tellings in, for El Presidente needs his rest. He is busy man.  Put not stock in the rumorings of failure at the presidential debate against alleged candidate and convicted felon Orange Man. No failure took place. Indeed no debate took place, because Orange Man is not a legitimate candidate for office. But if such debate did take place, then El Presidente did fine. If El Presidente did not do fine, is of no problem, because El Presidente has the best team advising him at all times. Except on the subject of getting a good night's rest before the debate. Four more years. Ignore the actuarial tables. UPDATINGS: We here at The Blog in the High Castle have learned of a most insidious plot by the senile El Presidente to keep Shadow Vice Presidentessa Harris down, in her place, in the kitchen. We fervently denounce this awful right-wing anti-feminist plot. How dare the president not be truthful with the Kakist...
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El Presidente Skillfully Administers Country

By James -
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 Glorious happenings across the great Kakistani Republics today, compagni. So many exciting news items for processing. Intransigent Republicans continue to flummox Grand Chancellor Schumer by doing exactly what they said they'd do two months ago. Grand Chancellor Schumer has turned to our wise and intelligent Presidente to solve this problem, which may involve minting a giant coin and then casting it into the fires of Mount Doom. In other meanwhilings, the wayward state of Florida has suffered greatly under the latest wave of the Virus Of Unknown And Unknowable Origin. As you may recall, El Presidente declared total and complete glorious victory royale over the original virus, but, to the great surprise of TV's Professor Doctor Fauci, the virus mutated. Alleged Governor Ronald "Reagan" DeathSantis attempted to get his peoples hooked on snake oil called monoclonal antibodies, instead of getting them vaccinated. El Presidente responded in the most kindest and benevolo ...
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El Presidente Identifies Key Infrastructure

By James -
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Aloha, Kakistanis. Public servicing announcement: Bad Orange Man is out of the White House. We no longer need to pretend that The Handmaid's Tale is good. El Presidente met with the Russian Burly Bear (no homo) yesterday and gave him a list of sixteen pieces of "critical infrastructure" that the Russian Burly Bear shouldn't cyberattack if he doesn't want to get a strongly-worded letter from Comrade Princess Doctor Jill. They are as follows: Ice cream shops Alzheimer's research labs Comrade Princess Doctor Jill's manicurist Ray-Ban factories Solar farms and wind turbines (but not nuclear power plants, those are yucky) The Barack O'Biden Presidential Library The Dr. Ibram X. Kendi University of Blame Whitey You know, the thing. The George Kirby Memorial Square Hunter's Babymama Hush Fund Shampoo factories and stores The Sexual Harassment Payoff Fund Co-Vice-Shadow Presidentessa Harris's plastic surgeon The Joe Manchin Bribery Fund The SNL Bribery...
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