The Blog in the High Castle

 Is of times again to celebrating the Great God Santa. (We think we have spelled that right, but we may have misplaced the N.) W hereas previously there has been much consternation and constipation in the supply chain CAUSED BY SABOTEUR-HOLDOVER'S FROM THE ORANGE MAN those problems have now been sorted and everyone is having Christmas Roast for dinner. So everyone is giving three mandatory cheers to Comrade Secretary Mayor Pete Butterjudge, who has solved our supply problems once and for all . We will continue to rooting out the sabotatrici from the Orange Man. El Presidente's Ice Cream Flavor of the Week is WHATEVER YOU CAN FIND ON YOUR SHELVES WHICH ARE OF COURSE TOTALLY FULL. Enjoy two refreshing scoops of WHATEVER YOU CAN FIND ON YOUR SHELVES WHICH ARE OF COURSE TOTALLY FULL ice cream today, comrades!

 El Presidente is a super meticulous thinker whose lightspeed thoughts often outpace his ability to get them out, which is why he is saying things like "dog faced pony soldier" and “We cannot let this, we’ve never allowed any crisis from the Civil War straight through to the pandemic of 17, all the way around, 16, we have never, never let our democracy sakes second fiddle, way they, we can both have a democracy and ... correct the public health.” Today El Presidente's handwritten notes were released to the public to demonstrate his keening intellect. They are reprinted verbatim as follows>

 Greetings and saluti, comrades. Am reports big goings-on in glorious People's Republic of Kakistan to-day.  Economic forensics laboring gloriously under El Presidente's supreme leadership have detected what is referring to " structural abnormalities " in glorious People's Republic economy. El Presidente's economists have assured us that ordinary people THE HARD-WORKING PROLETARIAT, THE TRUE HEROES OF GLORIOUS KAKISTAN cannot detect these structural abnormalities and will not affecting by them. Adding that it would be "unfair and absurd" to expect the rich, upon whom this burden rightfully belongs, to pass it on to the serf underclass HEROIC PIONEERS OF SOCIALIST LABOR .  Although economy is suffering from inflation CALMLY WEATHERING THE STORM OF STRUCTURAL ABNORMALITIES this is still far too complex a situation for meager capitalist running dogs to handle. Having been alerted to the backlogs of cargo ships in and outside Kakistani ports, El Pre...

 Glorious happenings across the great Kakistani Republics today, compagni. So many exciting news items for processing. Intransigent Republicans continue to flummox Grand Chancellor Schumer by doing exactly what they said they'd do two months ago. Grand Chancellor Schumer has turned to our wise and intelligent Presidente to solve this problem, which may involve minting a giant coin and then casting it into the fires of Mount Doom. In other meanwhilings, the wayward state of Florida has suffered greatly under the latest wave of the Virus Of Unknown And Unknowable Origin. As you may recall, El Presidente declared total and complete glorious victory royale over the original virus, but, to the great surprise of TV's Professor Doctor Fauci, the virus mutated. Alleged Governor Ronald "Reagan" DeathSantis attempted to get his peoples hooked on snake oil called monoclonal antibodies, instead of getting them vaccinated. El Presidente responded in the most kindest and benevolo ...

  Kameradinnen, it is good tidings and joyousness. Today is celebrating 254 days of good tweets and general civility from El Presidente's official socialized media accounts. While the evil fascist Trumpenfuhrer would average almost four whole mean tweets a day, El Presidente has averaged zero for the better part of a year . Is good to put the badness of the Trumpenreich behind us. To properly commemorate the occasion, El Presidente has allowed you all an extra 140 characters to tweet about how wonderful he is. El Presidente's Ice Cream Flavor of the Week is STRAWBERRY BANANA. Please enjoying two scoops of STRAWBERRY BANANA Ice Cream today as you browse a Twitter feed free of mean tweets!

 El Presidente has negotiating a historical peace accord with the Taliban, a group of austere religious cholera who simply want to take their place on the world stage. Alas, this peace is being shattered by the depredations of the Taliban, a group of 7th-century warlords who want to rape and pillage their way across the Middle East. The two have similar-sounding names but they are obviously are very different. Now is the time for all Kakistanis to begin evacuation the Afghaniraq area. The Taliban cannot guarantee their safety as the Taliban advances.  Updating: the Taliban has retaken the country. Please stands by while El Presidente puts his enormous brain to work determining which Taliban we are talking about. El Presidente's Ice Cream Flavor of the Day is DATE. Make sure you too enjoy a nice scoop of DATE ice cream on your jihad today!

 Rejoice compagni, for today El Presidente has granted unto us the most victorious of victories in the war against the microscopic menace known as COVID-19. As we all know, El Presidente came to power on the promise of shutting down the virus of unknown and unknowable origin (it certainly wasn't that nice television doctor's lab in China). And we are pleased to reporting that El President has accomplished just that. As of today, the Alpha Variant of the COVID-19 is totally and utterly sconfitta .  In related news, El Presidente has today announced that we will all need to Do Our Part to defeat the Delta Variant. So we will be of masking up and shutting down. Again. El Presidente regrets that this will be handing massive leverage to his allies in the teachers' unions, but this is an unforeseeable consequence of steps that Must Be Taken. We Are All In This Together, compagni.  This is of course in no way a rolling back of campaign promisings or admitting of defeat. El Presi...

Aloha, Kakistanis. Public servicing announcement: Bad Orange Man is out of the White House. We no longer need to pretend that The Handmaid's Tale is good. El Presidente met with the Russian Burly Bear (no homo) yesterday and gave him a list of sixteen pieces of "critical infrastructure" that the Russian Burly Bear shouldn't cyberattack if he doesn't want to get a strongly-worded letter from Comrade Princess Doctor Jill. They are as follows: Ice cream shops Alzheimer's research labs Comrade Princess Doctor Jill's manicurist Ray-Ban factories Solar farms and wind turbines (but not nuclear power plants, those are yucky) The Barack O'Biden Presidential Library The Dr. Ibram X. Kendi University of Blame Whitey You know, the thing. The George Kirby Memorial Square Hunter's Babymama Hush Fund Shampoo factories and stores The Sexual Harassment Payoff Fund Co-Vice-Shadow Presidentessa Harris's plastic surgeon The Joe Manchin Bribery Fund The SNL Bribery...

El Presidente reminds  the Russians of a great leader of theirs El Presidente continuing his first foreign trip, to visit vassal states in other parts of the English-speaking world, and to demonstrate to the Russian Burly Bear (no homo) that El Presidente is capable of walking under his own power. It was by all accounts a rousing success, because we have rounded up the journalists who said it wasn't a rounding success and had them disappeared. El Presidente furthered several diplomatic objectives such as excusing China, excusing Iran, and continuing to pretend that Canada is a real country . Vassalos everywhere were very impressed by El Presidente's ability to form complete sentences and demonstrate a mild awareness of his surroundings, and the Russian Burly Bear (no homo) complimented El Presidente on his ability to maintain eye contact. It has come to our attention that horrible rumor-mongers and muckrakers are pretending that Co-Vice-Shadow Presidentessa Harris has badly flu...

 El Presidente is resting comfortably. All is well. If all was not well, you would not be told, for your own good and to prevent a panic. El Presidente's Ice Cream Flavor of the Day is SEA SALT CARAMEL WITH TOFFEE. Enjoy a refreshing scoop of SEA SALT CARAMEL WITH TOFFEE ice cream today, or El Presidente will find out about it. After he wakes up from his nap.

 My fellow Kakistanis, a great new day dawns before us. We are mere hours away from institutioning a soviet socialist paradise the likes of which has never been seen on Earth, aside from Venezuela, Cuba, China, North Korea, Vietnam, Russia, Belarus, the Ukraine, Lithuania, Georgia, Estonia, Latvia, Moldova, Kyrgyzstan, Uzbekistan, Tajikistan, Armenia, Azerbaijan, Turkmenistan, and Kazakhstan. Also Chechnya and Transiti- Trasnistri- Transnist - eh, it's not important. Sadly, this dream of a better tomorrow is being stymied by a power-hungry white man named Joe Manchin. He is of refusing to eliminate the filibuster, a draconian racist anti-democratic measure that no Democrat in good standing would ever resort to. And the Democratic Party has always , always stood against this impediment to the Will Of The People. Without it, Manchin would be the deciding vote on every bill to be approved in the Senate, but he is refusing to eliminate it! He is so power-hungry ! We good Americans know...

Amigos, compadres, copains, paisanos, comrades, you are witnessing the new birth of Spinal Tap Phase 2.0 El Blog in La Grande Castello, celebrating the many accomplishings of El Presidente Jo'Bama Harris Biden and his team of hyperqualified sycophants. Yes indeed fellow Kakistanis, this is no longer a fascist dystopia. In fact, this is the only fascist dystopia that we didn't have to shoot our way out of, because El Presidente is just that awesome. There are many amazing facts and knowledges about our new Presidente, such as the fact that he is in full function of his mental faculties and anyone saying otherwise should be reported to the Twitter Bureau of Mental Hygiene. For example, before shouldering the tremendous burden of being our Presidente and having to assign Co-Vice-Shadow Presidentessa Harris to various responsibilities of which she is obviously supremely capable, our Presidente served as Official Impeachment-Proofer to Great Leader Obama, a function previously ente...