The Blog in the High Castle

Up until now, the Trumpenfuhrer has been content to leave the legislature with the vestigial functions it has enjoyed under former "president" Obama. But in light of disgraced former Speaker Ryan's abject failure to pass the Make Health Care Great Again (Part One of Three) Act, the Trumpenfuhrer has been forced to reconsider his stance. "I already refused the crown once," he said. "Caesar refused it three times, it ended very, very badly. What?" he added, "I read a play. Well, watched a film." Reichminister of Bread and Circuses Spicer followed up that statement by announcing that disgraced former Speaker Ryan will commit seppuku this weekend. The event will be televised on pay-per-view.

In an effort to ease the burden of ordinary Americans' lives, the Trumpenfuhrer has ordered Google Chrome to add a "we know your password" extension, to help users who have forgotten theirs.  "It's only fair that they do this. I mean, they have the information," the Trumpenfuhrer remarked. "And people having information... they shouldn't keep it locked up when other people can use it. Just ask Vlad." In other news, the Trumpenfuhrer's ATF (Autist Task Force) has struck again, building a statue kitchen to go with the statue girl in front of the statue bull on Wall Street.

GORSUCH VOWS INQUISITION, Part II In the sacred and venerable name of the Trumpenfuhrer, you, citizen, are commanded to read the following missive: The "Democratic" non-Party, unimpressed with Tribune-in-waiting Neil Gorsuch's commitment to the law, have vowed to filibuster his appointment. Gorsuch, stung by the criticism, vowed to not rest until all the enemies of justice had been convicted. To that end, he intends to turn himself into a cyborg, with energy drinks injected directly into his bloodstream to keep him awake at all hours. Although he was later informed that this would be unnecessary because the Trumpenfuhrer had met with the "Democratic" non-Party members threatening to filibuster and had them all shot, Gorsuch went ahead and booked himself a stay at the Dyson/Stone Institute of Cybernetics. Prototype model for Gorsuch's Final Form

CAPTURE THE FLAG, Part II The Trumpenfuhrer's ATF (Autist Task Force) has won yet another stunning victory in their ongoing game of Capture the Flag against arch-crybaby Shia LaBooHoouf. One former official remarked that it would have been wise for Shia LaBooHoouf to delay the stream by 24 hours. This former official was duly stripped of his rank and shot for giving advice to the enemy.

By the sacred and venerable will of the Trumpenfuhrer, let the following missive be distributed to the masses: At his confirmation hearing today, Tribune Neil Gorsuch, JJE (Judge, Jury, and Executioner) vowed an extensive investigation into treasonous activities committed by the outgoing Obama Administration. "There is no such thing as innocence," Gorsuch declared, "only degrees of guilt." He added that any traitors discovered and convicted would be sentenced to death by crucifixion. 

By the venerable word of the Trumpenfuhrer, as part of His ongoing American Restoration, the District of Columbia was renamed Sacred Columbia today. While there are as yet no plans to make Sacred Columbia itself fly, the Trumpenfuhrer has ordered the creation of a fleet of hoverships to stand eternal watch over the holy capital.

Citing a rising tide in "youth disobedience," the Trumpenfuhrer has determined that it is in America's best interest if the next generation is, quote, "blindly obedient," rather than "smart but insolent." "Only then," the Trumpenfuhrer added, "can we Make America Great Again." Reichminister of Youth Enlightenment Betsy DeVos is expected to return to the private sector, where she will resume her old lifestyle as a devourer of the brains of poor children.

Mass blackouts are expected in Blue States. "Just retribution for their awful, awful betrayal," the Trumpenfuhrer said.

The Trumpenfuhrer's tax returns were leaked some days ago by Machel Raddow. The documents were originally given to Rachel Maddow, who refused to release them on the grounds that the Trumpenfuhrer is "a fascist" and she would prefer to live, thank you very much. The Trumpenfuhrer does, however, have a lead on who the traitor is. You see, the Trumpenfuhrer prepared multiple copies of his tax returns each year, and he knows exactly who received the particular version that is leaked. A team of the Trumpenfuhrer's representatives are currently en route to a meeting with the guilty party.

In a stunning display of outreach, the Trumpenfuhrer met with millennials adult babies, who voted overwhelmingly in their error for She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. The Trumpenfuhrer had meant to confer with them about possible economic solutions for their poor life choices. In a stunning display of restraint, the Trumpenfuhrer did not order them all shot. He did, however, reject their proposal for a hugs-based economy and instead sent them off to the spice mines. "Kessel, Arrakis, whatever," He said. On further reflection, He clarified: "Kessel. Arrakis has Space Arabs on it."

It is a myth that the Trumpenfuhrer confused a world leader with a fictional character. In other news, Reichminister of Cultural Enrichment Betsy DeVos has discovered several thousand misprint copies of Harry Potter and the Order of the Eagle, in which the title uses the wrong bird at the vitally important character of Erdogan the Dragon is missing. Citizens are advised that this misprint copy of the book makes no sense whatsoever, and it is their patriotic duty to turn over all copies of this misprint to the Reichministry of Cultural Enrichment immediately.

The Trumpenfuhrer filled out his brackets today. Unfortunately, owing to unpleasant rumors surrounding the Trumpenfuhrer's alleged "rigging" of the Super Bowl , the Trumpenfuhrer has decided not to release his brackets at this time. "It's gonna be a fantastic show," he was quoted as saying. "And I will tell you this," he added. "I'll give you one hint about my brackets. The winning team shall be the team that wins."

Reason magazine has congratulated the Trumpenfuhrer on His disintegration of noted Enemy of the People and former United States Attorney Preet Bharara. While Party officials generally consider Reason to be a refuge of filthy hippie scum, recognition of the Trumpenfuhrer's works is always appreciated.

TRUMPENFUHRER SALUTES AUTISTS, BEGINS PLANNING THEIR INTEGRATION INTO THE IMPERIAL GUARD Arch-coward and traitor Shia Lebouf's "He Will Not Divide Us" campaign has been utterly routed by independent contractors operating out of the website known as 8chan. Within 36 hours, autists had delivered Lebouf's flag to a local Imperial Department of Construction office. Commissar-General Wanda Farley reported that the flag would be nailed to the northern side of the Wall, that subversives and degenerates could look on their failure every day. The Trumpenfuhrer personally arrived at the scene to salute the autists of 8chan, congratulating them as "civic-minded Americans doing their patriotic duty." He added that the Alt-Right Forces of Reddit and Twitter needed to step up their efforts. In addition, the Trumpenfuhrer is said to be looking into options for utilizing the autist population in furtherance of His domestic agenda. One anonymous official commented that...

The New Yorker reports it, so it must be true .

In the aftermath of the first public appearance of Based Stick Man, the Trumpenfuhrer has repealed the Keene Act, saying that "patriotic Americans" would always be welcome in the fight against seditious domestic terrorism.

"All these other languages assign genders to inanimate objects. It's probably where we got the notion that gender is fluid. So they've gotta go," the Trumpenfuhrer said in a statement. Trumpenreich officials later clarified that, of course, the word "fuhrer" is not subject to this ban. Furthermore, after much deliberation, it was also decided not to ban the Russian language.

As a result of this edict, the Trumpenfuhrer's approval rating rose 4 points to an unprecedented 119%. Americans of a certain artistic bent (known professionally as "idiot fanbois") wanted to protest this edict. Since the Trumpenfuhrer outlawed protests, these "idiot fanbois" attempted to contact their representatives to lodge a formal complaint, only to find the offices closed in observance of Bang-Clang Day.

The Trumpenfuhrer will be live-streaming all of the James Bond films* from the White House today, complete with his unique commentary. He has decided to share his insights with us on today, the so-called "Day Without Women Day." *Some have wondered how the Trumpenfuhrer can view all 24 James Bond films in a single day. Please remember that due to the Trumpenfuhrer's ongoing War on Science , we no longer have a way of accurately measuring time.

...and replaces it with an exercise mandate. "America will be so healthy, and so beautiful," he said in a prepared statement.

The Trumpenfuhrer has heard your concerns about the Electoral College and has sent out the call for possible reforms. Ultimately three proposals reached his desk.

Denver, CO-The first Party summit on ending climate change was a resounding success, according to Reichminister of Blood and Soil Scott Pruitt. There were a number of recommendations discussed on ways to end any change in the Nation's climate. These were the three options most seriously debated at the Summit: 1.) ban all use of fossil fuels by current and former members of the Democratic Party. Party forces will remove Democrat citizens to specially set-aside reservations that may only be powered by clean renewable energy sources. These citizens would be able to live out their lives free from the corrupting influences of inexpensive refrigeration, transportation, heating, and air conditioning. 2.) build a large climate-controlled dome around the country. This idea was a favorite, as the dome could be added to the wall already being constructed. 3.) tilt the planet to end all change in climate--this is a longer term goal that the Party hopes to achieve once the War on Sc...

DC- The Trumpenfuhrer laid out his grand vision for his war against Science. "I will not rest until the scourge of Science has been driven from the fatherland," he declared. "Its cities will be razed, its men shot, its women and children enslaved." Reichminister of State Rexxon von Tillerson announced that the Science embassy has been closed and all of its personnel imprisoned for crimes against the state. In addition, the Trumpenfuhrer made a stunning display of bipartisan outreach in naming Certified Minorities Shaun King and Elizabeth Warren, as well as Certified Women Bruce Jenner and Bradley Manning, his top generals in the War on Science. Already several nuclear missiles, ironically designed and built by Science itself, have been launched at Science's major cities and industrial centers. It is expected that the War on Science could take several years, but the Trumpenfuhrer said not to worry about that, because at the conclusion of the war we will no ...