The Blog in the High Castle

The Reichministry of Communications, one of the many unelected bodies designed to keep important decisions out of the hands of moronic hordes known as "the people," decided today to reclassify the internet such that it could be regulated under provisions of Reich law that were enacted back before the original Fuhrer came to power. The Trumpenfuhrer announced a new initiative called CYBERTRUMP, in which a digital avatar of the Supreme Leader would be deployed onto the Web to ensure that all internet content is Trumpenfuhrer-approved. The Trumpenfuhrer further announced that unpatriotic web sites such as The Huffington Post, CNN, and Pornhub would be taken offline immediately. The Trumpenfuhrer reminds all Americans that without the Internet, they now have no excuse not to fulfill their patriotic duties under the exercise mandate .

Patriotic Americans are streaming to see Justice League, the new movie about Supertrump, Battrump, Wonder Womelania, Cybertrump, and Aquatrump saving the world. (Everyone not seeing the movie is being rounded up and sent to camps.) Pictured: Aquatrump In other news, the Trumpenfuhrer has decided not to pardon this year's Thanksgiving turkey, on the grounds that it has been found guilty of being terribly delicious and therefore must be eaten. There is not a hint of jury nullification or bleeding-heart judicial activism in our Trumpenfuhrer!

Nefarious statues of Robert E. Lee (D-VA), Jefferson Davis (D-MS), Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson (D-VA), and many other Confederate luminaries foul traitors have been blamed found responsible for a rash of recent instances of white supremacy racial strife. Noting that he is Fuhrer of all Americans, not just the enlightened masses that elected him, the Trumpenfuhrer has agreed that all Confederate statues must come down. "Obviously, we cannot allow our citizens to suffer under the foul animus radiating from these hateful inanimate stacks of marble," said Reichminister of Public Information Sarah Huckabee (not that) Sanders. "At the same time, we cannot allow these public spaces to remain empty. I am pleased to announce, therefore, that the Trumpenfuhrer has signed off on the reanimation of famous Nazi architect Albert Speer to spearhead-" At this point in the press conference, Reichminister Huckabee (not that) Sanders was tasered and removed from the pod...

Bigly. Covfefe. Kakistocracy. These are just a few of the words Trumpenreich youth are learning today, words they would never have learned under the wretched, miserable, and thankfully never-to-be-witnessed rule of She Who Must Not Be Named. All glory to the Trumpenfuhrer!

Disturbed by the fact that there are sexual predators operating independently of the Executive Branch, the Trumpenfuhrer today authorized the federal annexation of Hollywood. The Trumpenfuhrer announced that henceforth Vice-President Mike Pence would be the colonial governor of the territory, and tasked him with eliminating all unlicensed sexual predators. Pence has vowed to implement stringent policies concerning meetings attended by studio heads or a-list actors and female employees. As part of these policies, all one-on-one meetings will henceforth be overseen by either Colonial Governor Pence or by one of his newly-appointed deputies (pictured). Adam Schiff, the Democrat who used to represent Hollywood back when it was part of the Union and not an Occupied Territory, filed a formal complaint. He was never seen exiting the courthouse.

The Trumpenfuhrer nationalized the press today. In unrelated news, the New York Times and the Washington Post have both spontaneously declared today to be "We Love the Trumpenfuhrer Day." ELVIS IMPERSONATOR REPLACES BANNON AS STRATEGIST Defense adviser James Mattis declares: "Build city walls first!" Kim Du Jour warns Trumpenfuhrer: "Our words are backed with NUCLEAR WEAPONS!"

Up until now, the Trumpenfuhrer has been content to leave the legislature with the vestigial functions it has enjoyed under former "president" Obama. But in light of disgraced former Speaker Ryan's abject failure to pass the Make Health Care Great Again (Part One of Three) Act, the Trumpenfuhrer has been forced to reconsider his stance. "I already refused the crown once," he said. "Caesar refused it three times, it ended very, very badly. What?" he added, "I read a play. Well, watched a film." Reichminister of Bread and Circuses Spicer followed up that statement by announcing that disgraced former Speaker Ryan will commit seppuku this weekend. The event will be televised on pay-per-view.

In an effort to ease the burden of ordinary Americans' lives, the Trumpenfuhrer has ordered Google Chrome to add a "we know your password" extension, to help users who have forgotten theirs.  "It's only fair that they do this. I mean, they have the information," the Trumpenfuhrer remarked. "And people having information... they shouldn't keep it locked up when other people can use it. Just ask Vlad." In other news, the Trumpenfuhrer's ATF (Autist Task Force) has struck again, building a statue kitchen to go with the statue girl in front of the statue bull on Wall Street.

GORSUCH VOWS INQUISITION, Part II In the sacred and venerable name of the Trumpenfuhrer, you, citizen, are commanded to read the following missive: The "Democratic" non-Party, unimpressed with Tribune-in-waiting Neil Gorsuch's commitment to the law, have vowed to filibuster his appointment. Gorsuch, stung by the criticism, vowed to not rest until all the enemies of justice had been convicted. To that end, he intends to turn himself into a cyborg, with energy drinks injected directly into his bloodstream to keep him awake at all hours. Although he was later informed that this would be unnecessary because the Trumpenfuhrer had met with the "Democratic" non-Party members threatening to filibuster and had them all shot, Gorsuch went ahead and booked himself a stay at the Dyson/Stone Institute of Cybernetics. Prototype model for Gorsuch's Final Form

CAPTURE THE FLAG, Part II The Trumpenfuhrer's ATF (Autist Task Force) has won yet another stunning victory in their ongoing game of Capture the Flag against arch-crybaby Shia LaBooHoouf. One former official remarked that it would have been wise for Shia LaBooHoouf to delay the stream by 24 hours. This former official was duly stripped of his rank and shot for giving advice to the enemy.

By the sacred and venerable will of the Trumpenfuhrer, let the following missive be distributed to the masses: At his confirmation hearing today, Tribune Neil Gorsuch, JJE (Judge, Jury, and Executioner) vowed an extensive investigation into treasonous activities committed by the outgoing Obama Administration. "There is no such thing as innocence," Gorsuch declared, "only degrees of guilt." He added that any traitors discovered and convicted would be sentenced to death by crucifixion. 

By the venerable word of the Trumpenfuhrer, as part of His ongoing American Restoration, the District of Columbia was renamed Sacred Columbia today. While there are as yet no plans to make Sacred Columbia itself fly, the Trumpenfuhrer has ordered the creation of a fleet of hoverships to stand eternal watch over the holy capital.

Citing a rising tide in "youth disobedience," the Trumpenfuhrer has determined that it is in America's best interest if the next generation is, quote, "blindly obedient," rather than "smart but insolent." "Only then," the Trumpenfuhrer added, "can we Make America Great Again." Reichminister of Youth Enlightenment Betsy DeVos is expected to return to the private sector, where she will resume her old lifestyle as a devourer of the brains of poor children.

Mass blackouts are expected in Blue States. "Just retribution for their awful, awful betrayal," the Trumpenfuhrer said.

The Trumpenfuhrer's tax returns were leaked some days ago by Machel Raddow. The documents were originally given to Rachel Maddow, who refused to release them on the grounds that the Trumpenfuhrer is "a fascist" and she would prefer to live, thank you very much. The Trumpenfuhrer does, however, have a lead on who the traitor is. You see, the Trumpenfuhrer prepared multiple copies of his tax returns each year, and he knows exactly who received the particular version that is leaked. A team of the Trumpenfuhrer's representatives are currently en route to a meeting with the guilty party.

In a stunning display of outreach, the Trumpenfuhrer met with millennials adult babies, who voted overwhelmingly in their error for She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. The Trumpenfuhrer had meant to confer with them about possible economic solutions for their poor life choices. In a stunning display of restraint, the Trumpenfuhrer did not order them all shot. He did, however, reject their proposal for a hugs-based economy and instead sent them off to the spice mines. "Kessel, Arrakis, whatever," He said. On further reflection, He clarified: "Kessel. Arrakis has Space Arabs on it."

It is a myth that the Trumpenfuhrer confused a world leader with a fictional character. In other news, Reichminister of Cultural Enrichment Betsy DeVos has discovered several thousand misprint copies of Harry Potter and the Order of the Eagle, in which the title uses the wrong bird at the vitally important character of Erdogan the Dragon is missing. Citizens are advised that this misprint copy of the book makes no sense whatsoever, and it is their patriotic duty to turn over all copies of this misprint to the Reichministry of Cultural Enrichment immediately.

The Trumpenfuhrer filled out his brackets today. Unfortunately, owing to unpleasant rumors surrounding the Trumpenfuhrer's alleged "rigging" of the Super Bowl , the Trumpenfuhrer has decided not to release his brackets at this time. "It's gonna be a fantastic show," he was quoted as saying. "And I will tell you this," he added. "I'll give you one hint about my brackets. The winning team shall be the team that wins."

Reason magazine has congratulated the Trumpenfuhrer on His disintegration of noted Enemy of the People and former United States Attorney Preet Bharara. While Party officials generally consider Reason to be a refuge of filthy hippie scum, recognition of the Trumpenfuhrer's works is always appreciated.

TRUMPENFUHRER SALUTES AUTISTS, BEGINS PLANNING THEIR INTEGRATION INTO THE IMPERIAL GUARD Arch-coward and traitor Shia Lebouf's "He Will Not Divide Us" campaign has been utterly routed by independent contractors operating out of the website known as 8chan. Within 36 hours, autists had delivered Lebouf's flag to a local Imperial Department of Construction office. Commissar-General Wanda Farley reported that the flag would be nailed to the northern side of the Wall, that subversives and degenerates could look on their failure every day. The Trumpenfuhrer personally arrived at the scene to salute the autists of 8chan, congratulating them as "civic-minded Americans doing their patriotic duty." He added that the Alt-Right Forces of Reddit and Twitter needed to step up their efforts. In addition, the Trumpenfuhrer is said to be looking into options for utilizing the autist population in furtherance of His domestic agenda. One anonymous official commented that...

The New Yorker reports it, so it must be true .

In the aftermath of the first public appearance of Based Stick Man, the Trumpenfuhrer has repealed the Keene Act, saying that "patriotic Americans" would always be welcome in the fight against seditious domestic terrorism.

"All these other languages assign genders to inanimate objects. It's probably where we got the notion that gender is fluid. So they've gotta go," the Trumpenfuhrer said in a statement. Trumpenreich officials later clarified that, of course, the word "fuhrer" is not subject to this ban. Furthermore, after much deliberation, it was also decided not to ban the Russian language.

As a result of this edict, the Trumpenfuhrer's approval rating rose 4 points to an unprecedented 119%. Americans of a certain artistic bent (known professionally as "idiot fanbois") wanted to protest this edict. Since the Trumpenfuhrer outlawed protests, these "idiot fanbois" attempted to contact their representatives to lodge a formal complaint, only to find the offices closed in observance of Bang-Clang Day.

The Trumpenfuhrer will be live-streaming all of the James Bond films* from the White House today, complete with his unique commentary. He has decided to share his insights with us on today, the so-called "Day Without Women Day." *Some have wondered how the Trumpenfuhrer can view all 24 James Bond films in a single day. Please remember that due to the Trumpenfuhrer's ongoing War on Science , we no longer have a way of accurately measuring time.

...and replaces it with an exercise mandate. "America will be so healthy, and so beautiful," he said in a prepared statement.

The Trumpenfuhrer has heard your concerns about the Electoral College and has sent out the call for possible reforms. Ultimately three proposals reached his desk.

Denver, CO-The first Party summit on ending climate change was a resounding success, according to Reichminister of Blood and Soil Scott Pruitt. There were a number of recommendations discussed on ways to end any change in the Nation's climate. These were the three options most seriously debated at the Summit: 1.) ban all use of fossil fuels by current and former members of the Democratic Party. Party forces will remove Democrat citizens to specially set-aside reservations that may only be powered by clean renewable energy sources. These citizens would be able to live out their lives free from the corrupting influences of inexpensive refrigeration, transportation, heating, and air conditioning. 2.) build a large climate-controlled dome around the country. This idea was a favorite, as the dome could be added to the wall already being constructed. 3.) tilt the planet to end all change in climate--this is a longer term goal that the Party hopes to achieve once the War on Sc...

DC- The Trumpenfuhrer laid out his grand vision for his war against Science. "I will not rest until the scourge of Science has been driven from the fatherland," he declared. "Its cities will be razed, its men shot, its women and children enslaved." Reichminister of State Rexxon von Tillerson announced that the Science embassy has been closed and all of its personnel imprisoned for crimes against the state. In addition, the Trumpenfuhrer made a stunning display of bipartisan outreach in naming Certified Minorities Shaun King and Elizabeth Warren, as well as Certified Women Bruce Jenner and Bradley Manning, his top generals in the War on Science. Already several nuclear missiles, ironically designed and built by Science itself, have been launched at Science's major cities and industrial centers. It is expected that the War on Science could take several years, but the Trumpenfuhrer said not to worry about that, because at the conclusion of the war we will no ...

Citizens. It falls to me, your voice of warmth and reason in this not-yet-made-great-again America, to inform you that enemies are still all around us. We mostly call them "Democrats." Now, understand that most "Democrats" are actually decent people. It is important, citizens, to distinguish between the rank-and-file footsoldier who often doesn't know any better, and the general, who must be summarily beheaded. (This is what our Trumpenfuhrer did recently in pardoning the #NeverTrump hordes, incidentally.) Your neighbors are most likely of the rank-and-file sort, those who will be spared the coming purges but who will likely need to live as second-class citizens in order for our brave new world to thrive. The rank-and-file, you see, have been whipped up into a frenzy by the remnants of their leadership. Yes, even though she-who-must-not-be-named has been vanquished and dispatched to oblivion, her loyal courtiers continue their malevolent work. These sinist...

A perennial favorite: (Yes, we here at the Blog in the High Castle realize that this clashes horribly with the new color design. To be fair, though, Der Trumpenfuhrer clashes horribly with reality.)

It has come to our attention that there exists a blog calling itself The Grasshopper Lies Heavy . This blog purports to show an alternate timeline , with incredibly disturbing developments. The point of divergence appears to be that in this hellish alternate reality, the U.S. never invaded Iraq. Barack Obama remained an obscure back-bencher, unable to use his opposition to a war that launched before he arrived in the Senate to strike a contrast with She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. As a result, She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named won the 2008 election, and was roundly defeated by Mitt Romney in 2012. Grasshopper purports to show a reality where President Romney, now on his second term, and a cadre of globalist scum, have taken over the world, and EU is ravaged not by hordes of Islamic invaders but by the wages of communism. Reichminister of Public Indoctrination Betsy DeVos has issued a statement condemning the work as dangerous and subversive. Reichminister of Public Safety Jeff Sessions has issu...

DC- The Trumpenfuhrer today announced that historically, the Trappist System had always been part of America, and that nothing would prevent the great American people from reclaiming their birthright. Some former scientist who had been stripped of his labcoat for promoting the heresy of climate change grumbled that the true purpose of NASA, covering up the accomplishments of women in the 60s and wasting taxpayer dollars without even establishing a moonbase, had been squelched by the new regime. The former scientist and his entire family have since abruptly decided to take a vacation to Guantanamo Bay.

Carson City, NV- The Trumpenfuhrer's National Security Adviser, General Mike Flynn, passed away suddenly and unexpectedly late last night while visiting the Lake Tahoe estate of Paul "The Bull" Manafort. According to the Trumpenfuhrer's bodyguard, Al Neri, who was with the general at the time of his passing, Flynn did not suffer. "In fact," Neri reported, "he appeared to be praying." In other news, the Trumpenfuhrer has granted clemency to the rank-and-file #NeverTrumpers. Their ringleaders, on the other hand, have been sentenced to death. Conflicting reports suggest that Evan McMullin fled his captors and is at large.

Trump Stadium, NY-Our Trumpenfuhrer attended the first annual Uberbowl between the Patriots and the Falcons held at Trump Stadium in what used to be Brooklyn. As any leader of our great nation would, he supported the Patriots. And even when it looked as if they could not win after half-time, our leader showed his grace by inviting the families of the opposing Falcons players to enjoy the game from his personal box. In a miraculous comeback reminiscent of the party victory in the siege of Pittsburgh, the Patriots seized upon the Falcons' missteps and won the championship against all odds.

No Man's Land - Party forces are still stalled at Cermak Road. Reports now suggest that, although Rahm "Emmanuel" Goldstein succeeded in swimming the river, he used the Blue Line tunnel to return to the Loop. As yet there is no word of former "president" Obama's whereabouts. Hollywood - The actress Sarah Silverman has disappeared after making unkulturny comments about the Trumpenfuhrer. Inquiries are being made. Berkeley - Investigations continue into the funding behind the Communist riots earlier this week. A series of pre-dawn raids into the homes of known associates of seditious financier George Soros have been authorized. Miami - The Trumpenfuhrer continues to make good on his promise to keep the American people pure of foreign influence. Truly no-one is more committed to returning foreign nationals to their country of origin.

Disturbing developments out of the Failed State of California. Although the Berkeley riots were quelled easily, Party agents have discovered that the local police force intended to stand down. Police officers and their families were interviewed about their attempted treason and, despite the care taken by Party investigators, one interviewee hanged himself in his cell, and another was shot trying to escape. Would you like to know more?

Washington, D.C.- The Trumpenfuhrer today announced the pacification of Berkeley Campus. Sub-mental Communist animals have been forcibly evicted from the ruins and sent scurrying into the hills. Furthermore, nearly seven hundred Communists were captured, four hundred of which were too badly injured to attend their trials earlier today. The Trumpenfuhrer specifically commended Citizen Captain Eliza Schumate for pacifying the riots so quickly that only two store-fronts were vandalized. All of the captives were found guilty of treason. Executions scheduled for tomorrow. The Trumpenfuhrer had been expected to award the first Ferrous Crux to Citizen Senator Mitch McConnell for his heroic efforts to keep the late Justice Antonin Scalia's seat from falling into the clutches of the sub-mental Communists. (Even though the Supreme Court has been liquidated, all ranking members of the Party felt that McConnell's heroism called for special recognition.) That ceremony has been rescheduled...

Well, put simply, the Left is calling everyone to the right of Jim Webb a Nazi. I am to the right of Jim Webb. I am also a nearsighted asthmatic Pole. Wouldn't last a year in the American Reich. Also have a fair amount of Irish blood: hereditary drunkard, impure. Six months. Also very slightly Scottish. He liztens to ze backpipes! Shoot him schnell! So... yeah. Not a Nazi. But if you really wanna see what the Trumpenreich would look like, well, let me pull back the curtain in... The Blog in the High Castle. Welcome. Oh, p.s., it goes without saying that while some of the names will be familiar, the events of this blog are fictitious. Any resemblance to any character, fictional or real, living or dead, is probably intentional. Some names have been changed to protect the guilty, but most "fictional" names are Nazis from other works here to stand in for the various SA goons because I'm not going to slander our servicemen. You get an extra half-ration if you get...